Holiday?

I need to write this down, my head is full to bursting from the last 5 days

Where do I  start, the kids broke up on thursday lunchtime so I juggled my work and training around them so I could down tools and be there for their every need.

But still after all the years of knowing what a change in routine does to a child like Leo I’m amazed even I forget what destruction it leaves when the school holidays hit. From the moment I met him from school instant change everywhere, he usually gets the bus home, but because Ruby’s school were closing at 1.15 and I had promised a trip to get her nails done for her school disco I agreed with Leo to meet him first then walk up to get Ruby. The anxiety began ‘When were we going to the cinema?’…’When were we going home?’ ‘When is saturday?’ ‘When are we going to the bookshop?’repetitive questions and lots of reassuring whilst we trooped up the road to the primary school in the rain.

His anxiety subsided, Ruby then took over like a tag team whilst I curled her hair for a whole hour, ‘Ow, don’t curl it that way!’ ‘Can I wear your make-up?’ ‘Where are my party shoes?’ ….. Deep breaths Kezza…. one child walked up to school disco, one child collected from school disco, got soaked for the third time and then kids in bed and fall into heap.

Day two Good Friday, spent the day keeping the tag team from raiding cupboards and arguing with each other, so decided the best thing to do was put them in water, why not it always calm me down!, so we trekked across Woodley to the swimming pool and back again, both journeys were filled with the usual whining about how far it was or one was thirsty or hungry and how awful I was that I hadn’t carried supplies for a hike up a mountain. Deep breaths Kezza.

Day three, Saturday. Bosh no rest for me today, from the moment child 2 woke point blank refusal to do anything, no teeth cleaning, not getting dressed, not putting shoes on, no coat wearing…. I was exhausted before I even got to parkrun. This was where I actually got some temporary respite, both children actually left me alone for a whole 45 minutes and clapped runners, yes I’m nailing this!

This was temporary, I found Leo in the cafe grunting and swaying because the cafe didn’t have chocolate shortbread, you’d have thought I had just told him he was going to have his legs removed. It took deep breaths and all my patience to keep a lid on the situation.

The rest of the day was a continual moment to moment of explaining why they couldn’t eat all of the easter eggs bought for them in one go, to then picking up various things they decided to get out and dump on the floor, lego, creative play, pens, clothes on clothes off, wet towels, trainers kicked across the floor. So I decided to get them out the house again as they were clearly going stir crazy, we managed a whole 2 hours out at a local restaurant to celebrate my best friends birthday, but true to form child 2 decided she didn’t want to walk home and screamed ‘I want a taxi home’ for an almost constant 10 minutes on the journey back. Goodness knows what passers by thought.

I got back exhausted and once the kids were in bed my poor head had enough and I went into meltdown, I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed.

This (despite a bit of relief) exhausted me even further I spent Sunday in bed and curled on the sofa absolutely good for nothing. I think I slept on and off for about 19 hours.

Monday, still tired -how can that be?  had they broke me?. The only thing to do would be to get them out of the house again, but easier said than done, their refusal to shower and get ready started all over again until at last we were all ready and 2.15pm we left the house. I knew by taking them to the cinema this would keep them quiet, it worked. The minute we were back the demands started again so I texted their Dad and he came and got them and explained they had simply worn me out!

To top it all my back is now spasming, goodness knows how or why. So with a half marathon in 6 days time, and one I’ve trained hard for, I’m left feeling like the crappiest mother on earth, emotional and tired, yes very tired. And if you could see my eyes you’d see just how tired.

 

 

 

 

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Thinking Day

Well hello again, thank you for taking the time to read my blog, my inner thoughts and Kezza-isms.

As today is World Thinking Day I’ve tried to honour it by doing some thinking.

I’ve really missed thinking.

When I spent the winter injured I realised I missed out on so much more than just running I missed a huge chunk of my thinking time, time to escape, be alone, be peaceful, be free.

I have neglected my thoughts and today was the day to put that right with the first test of my legs since my steady rehabilitation and running pain free.

So last night I planned my run with plot a route and opted for a real mix of up, down and flat so I could pick up the pace when I needed to and test the pins on the climbs.

And it all well rather well, despite making a few ‘Cow in Labour’ noises coming up Redlands road and Loddon Bridge, I took those steady and recovered quickly, ready to push on.

Here are the stats for those who are interested … others feel free to skip on by

1-Warm up (Butts Hill road climb) 12.00
2-Western Ave to Pitts Lane (11.05)
3-Lovely downhill to Palmer Park (10.31)
4-Flat mile to RBH (10.47)
5-Hills to the Uni (11.35)
6-Uni perimeter (10.35)
7-Windy Woky rd downhill (10.32)
8-Loddon Bridge climb, but pushed for home (10.37)
8.5- L’il jogette warm down (6.00)

So, back to thinking, what was I thinking? …..

I was thinking how lucky I am to be out and running again firstly, then I had a little listen to the last ever parkrun show podcast. I haven’t listened to it since it ended on 31st March 2015 and was then amazed it’s nearly been a whole year since it left my ears. It was like being reunited with an old long lost friend, it made me giggle and cry all over again . This led me on the think about about all the people that were involved with the show and what kind of a year they’ve had since it left their lives.

My thoughts were still quietly ticking away in the background with thoughts of all the great friendships I’ve made both through running and the podcast and this kept me company for a big chunk of the 8.5 miles or 1 hour 33 minutes.

woodley parkrun scene

So what’s next for Kezza?

Well last year was all about London Marathon, if you want to read my journey here it is

Then this year is all about finally getting fitter, leaner, faster and I’m kicking it off with my 4th Reading Half Marathon on April 3rd. Even during training for a marathon last year I never really changed some self-damaging habits, even though I gave ’nuff respect’ to training for the distance and time on my feet – I never really got to grips with proper nutrition and the importance of timeout and sleep. I wanted to give the year a kick start by starting back in November and to date I’ve lost 21lbs of the 49lb I’ve been lumping round various races, then scratching my head at why my feet got flatter and ended up with a very sore heel- ahem that’s because they were carrying round a small child!

So that were my thoughts today

What I’ve realised in the last year is ‘Run the mile you’re in’….. whether you are happy, sad, excited, lost, lonely or on top of the world, Run the mile you are in

run the mile you are in

Happy World Thinking Day

Climbing mountaaaaains and juggling many balls

Well I’ve just been too busy to blog, there….  that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it, or rather hiding behind it… eeek!

To be honest I’ve missed blogging, I’ve missed rat tap tapping away at my keyboard, bearing my soul and sharing my woes purely for the off loading catharticness of it.

So here goes another one…….

What have I been up to ? oh just the usual daily grind of balancing life and extreme hunger and trying to eat more natural foods and drinking less.

Have I succeeded? Yes and No.

Yes I’ve been cooking more things from scratch and have only bought 1 ready meal in a month (if you can count an M & S Paella as a ready meal, yes it came packaged but the ingredients seemed almost homemade)

No I’ve failed because I’m not trimmer, I’m still eating way too much in terms of portion size and still popping things in my mouth that don’t belong and one glass of wine doesn’t not exist in my house, wine comes in bottles don’t they…..

Despite the epic fail to loose weight I’m mentally in a much better place than earlier in the year, I’m finding life as Kezza much more easier to deal with. Earlier in the year I was struggling with a few panic attacks and moments of high anxiety followed by extreme fatigue and feeling of life spiraling, anyone get this? If you do then you know how that feels……

What changed?….. I was injured again. Quelle surprise, this time I twisted my pelvis and ended up with two weeks of back spasms and my good old friend plantar fasciitis was regularly bubbling away every time I attempted to run. So I decided to swim and sunbathe three times a week if I could. I truly feel this alone kept me sane during June and July whilst I decided what to do. Sometimes I would just float, that counts as exercise surely…..

I did manage a couple of runs but nothing that was going to give me the distance I needed to feel good about my next challenge.

What was the next challenge?…… Goodness me I like to test myself, it was a Trail Half Marathon up Snowdon

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Come on it’s just a hill!

I decided that I was going to get myself up that mountain regardless of the time, on reflection it was actually the perfect race, I stood very little chance of running when I looked back at the profile of climb and decent, so the fact I did it in 5 hours 18 minutes was completely immaterial.

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Well it’s actually a bit more than a hill!

Here is a video I took at the top of Snowdon 

So really what do I want to do next ?….  well I really need to get back to running pain free and this starts tomorrow, I’ve made a plan and tomorrow says 5 miles of target half marathon pace

I am also looking forward to representing This Girl Can at the Berkshire show in September on their stall, my job – to try and convince one other girl she can

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See…. they had poles!

Onward to Half Marathon Training, chins up chest out lets do this!

This Kezza Can Endure Eating …..

Well here goes Blog 2 of my campaign to get people believing that no matter the shape or size, exercise can be fun and liberating with a bit of determination and some good friends around you!

I’ve firstly been looking at my eating habits, organizing myself with a bi-weekly shopping delivery means that I won’t stray and eat stuff I know isn’t good for me.

I want to be fitter and leaner …. I want to be fitter and leaner…. repeat this mantra as necessary

Well it’s paying off too, I’m 6lb lighter and I know it’s all fat because look at me in my new ThisGirlCan tee shirt, trust me there are a lot less ripples on Kezza’s back these days.

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My current eating habits on a good day are….

Double breakfasting ….. Because I need to fuel myself for exercise and this is my hungriest part of the day I can wake up wanting to eat my own elbows…….

I always start the day with the biggest mug of tea, anyone that knows me knows I NEED MY TEA …then once tea-rage has subsided I have one piece of toast, then follow it up around 9.30 with muesli or porridge with a chopped up banana, this then keeps Kezza happy and content.

Lunch ….. I’ve been on major sandwich avoidance, yes I know they are handy, but they simply aren’t enough, I’m left feeling unsatisfied and wanting more more more, this is where I can stray!

So instead batch cooking and leftovers of healthy meals have become my friend…. last week it was pan fried salmon with loads of steamed veggies, leftover healthy curries and stir fries hit that midday urge more than some carby quick fix sarnie.

Dinner….. is usually one of the above, and I can’t praise this website enough to help inspire me to eat well

Being naughty….. Yes I am naughty and have found switching to Gin and slimline tonic allows me a little bit of what I fancy after a hard day juggling being Kezza through the week, and wine has mainly moved to fridays…..

Exercise, well over the last couple of weeks I’ve been giving GRIT classes a try at my local gym, I like these because it’s just 30 minutes blast and I’m left feeling like a sweaty mess but buzzing, I often have to adapt the exercises as I can’t do full push ups or those switching lunges hurt some of my running injuries but after a tweak or two I just keep bopping to the music and wait for the next exercise I can do.  Goodness me I hurt the next couple of days, but how I see it  is it’s just my poor old muscles saying ‘Oi, where have you been for the last week?’

My other big event this month has been Endure 24 which is all about running and camping, I was in a ladies team of 8 and because this event draws in a real mix of abilities, speeds and distances, there is always someone running or walking so you can just blend in whatever your ability, working in teams to exercise is a great way to distract you from your own pain and sweat that’s for sure!

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Before the First Run – Day 1

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Before the Second run- Flashing Night Run at 2am in the morning

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and finally Run 3 – Day 2

So that’s it from me for now, get organised, get cooking, get out there…do it!

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If you are looking to try a new sport or exercise check out these websites for some inspiration

Berkshire based …. ? then take a look at Get Berkshire Active

Or the ThisGirlCan site to read more stories similar to mine……

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ThisKezzaCan

Well I’ve been asked to be a This Girl Can local ambassador for Get Berkshire Active

I will blog when I can, (at least monthly life permitting) with my tales of trying to get fitter and a bit leaner.

I’ll share my food (the good, the bad and the ugly), my training regime (or lack of it sometimes) and life in general, warts, giggles, stresses and all!

All with aim that no matter what size or shape you are … either rubenesque or the body of a sports god, every human can get themselves off the couch and find an activity they love and makes them feel alive!

Do check out both websites for stuff going on locally and think This Girl Can!

And if you want to read my first attempt at blogging, here is my journey to run my first marathon right here

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I have also had an email from Sam Parker at Get Berkshire Active who would like to hear from any Berkshire based ladies who want to apply for a bursary… please note I am not writing my blog for a bursary in case anyone is wondering… I’m doing it because ThisKezzaCan and money is not my motivator when it comes to getting fit!

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Ladies, do you want to exercise more but are embarrassed, not sure where to start or can’t afford it or the equipment.

Get Berkshire Active have some bursary money for women who want to get started in exchange for some blogs.

Check out the link to find out more: http://www.getberkshireactive.org/5878/news/article/this-girl-can—get-active-bursary/